Thank You For The Moon, Thank You For The Stars
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Tonight is the last night we will sleep in this place. The movers will come tomorrow to take the furniture to the new house.
One of the many irrational feelings I have had, with regards to moving, is the sense that I will become disconnected from my memories. This is where Jenny and I did the bulk of the creating and rehearsing of Submission and this is the place Fred and I came home to after we became engaged, married, parents. In leaving, I lose the physical, tangible connection to my past, am left to rely on the unreliable brain cells and synaptic relays. What will remain after we move? how can I leave this place?
It is overcast and gray today. I can only see my neighbors' rooftops from my window. The skyscrapers are hidden from view, but I believe they are there, behind the clouds. Another completely irrational thought I have with regards to moving is that I stand like a guard and keep watch over the city. I watched the world end (or so I thought) in this house and I remember looking out our window, thinking the buildings of downtown Chicago would be the next to fall. I know, intellectually, that I couldn't stop something from happening, that all I could do if disaster did strike would be to watch, but on a deeper level I feel my presence has had an effect. The act of watching changes the result. Over the past five years, I have watched the skyline. So who will protect it when I go?
I love the house into which we are moving, but I can't help but mourn all that I feel I will lose when we leave this house I have also loved.
I will miss the buildings. I will miss the sunrise. I will miss the sky.
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I live just a few streets away from a house I shared with roommates in my 20s. So many lifeshaping events happened in that house. I take Max to a playground across the street from it sometimes, and just stare at my old bedroom window. Its almost as if I expect to see myself circa 1996 staring back.
Hope the move went well.
http://www.wolfehousebuildingmovers.com/