Sunday, December 14, 2014

Twelve Days of Christmas Music: Santa Stole My...

Apparently, a lot of people are in a panic over Santa's seductive abilities.

Let's start things out with Santa Stole My Baby


Where The Mistreaters are angry and raw, Fitz and the Tantrums bring a more soulful and philosophical take on the theme with Santa Stole My Lady. They are over the initial shock and betrayal and, now, they just want the guys out there to know that if it happened to them, it can happen to you, so hide that mistletoe.


The Maine offer us Santa Stole My Girlfriend


And then there are some songs which take the misogyny to eleven. Because that is the problem with all these songs, isn't it? Yeah, you can say they are grown up takes on I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, but the simple idea that one's girlfriend/lady/baby is a possession that can be stolen and that Santa worked some magic to lure her away, as opposed to the radical idea that one's girlfriend/lady/baby is a person who makes her own choices and one of them may be that she prefers a man whose stomach resembles a bowl full of jelly. I feel like the anger is misplaced, that these guys should not be mad at Santa, but at themselves for not being better boyfriends. Boys, you need to stop whining and take accept that it isn't Santa's fault she dumped your sorry ass.

However, lest you think I am letting Santa, a man who tells children that one's behavior influences the gifts one receives which really seems like a way of saying poor people deserve their fate, off the hook, you would be wrong. Our final song, Santa Stole My Whiskey by Johnny Manak, establishes that Santa can be kindof a jerk.


The takeaway from all this is to never trust a man in a red suit. Also, don't forget to leave out those cookies and milk.

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