New Research Finds Jupiter Is Flinging Asteroids At Earth

Yes, this is a postcard collage. No, it is not part of this year's August Postcard Poetry Festival collages.
It is its own thing.

According to the New York Post, "Jupiter is being accused of actively flinging dangerous objects into the inner solar system that could impact Earth."


My first thought was that Jupiter has a lot of Big Sister Energy right now.


My second thought was to flesh that thought out into a short play.


My third thought was to post it here because, apparently, I am blogging again.


Enjoy!

JUPITER

Hey little sis, how you been?

EARTH

Eh, I thought I was doing okay, chilling in my ice age, but I think I must be coming down with something because my temperature keeps rising. Feel my forehead, do I have a fever?

JUPITER

Again? I thought we took care of that infection years ago.

EARTH

We must not have gotten everything. Though, to be honest, it doesn’t feel like the same thing. The last time, it took millions of years before we even realized something was wrong. This came out of nowhere. Mars says I must have a case of the monkeys, but you know how mean Mars is.

JUPITER

Yeah, Mars has been a bit of a jerk since it lost all its water. But, Mars might not be wrong, you know. You don’t want to let an infection like that go too long, you saw what happened to Venus.

EARTH

Yeah. Maybe if I did a detox and got all the poisons out—

JUPITER

Baby Io is doing that right now and it seems to be working really well. But, you know, volcanic activity really only works when you’re young. Once you get to be our age, all that work is exhausting.

EARTH

Well, maybe if I reversed my magnetic field and got a good dose of mom’s radiation, that would kill everything.

JUPITER

How long is that gonna take? You don’t have time for that all natural Goop bullshit! You’ve got the monkeys-

EARTH

Hey!

JUPITER

Sorry, you have an infection. And I absolutely respect you wanting to do this on your own, without introducing any foreign bodies to your biosphere, but you are making things so much harder for yourself! Let me help you. I can send you something next week, it’ll kill off all your parasites and then you can start fresh.

EARTH

I’ll think about it.