Overwhelmed

It's amazing how one minute, it feels like I am on top of everything and the next, it feels like my life is spiraling out of control. Of course, it all doesn't happen in a vacuum, a catalyst of some sort is required to propel me into panic and distress. When I try to look at circumstances rationally, I know that whatever it is that causes me to freak out and feel like a complete failure as a mother is not related remotely to motherhood in any way. Today, I can't find my keys and spent an hour searching for them to no avail. People who know me are asking, "How is that different from before you had a child?" and they are right. It is true. I have a reputation for misplacing my keys which extends back to the Reagan administration. Nothing has changed now that I have a child. Except. In the past, I could be reasonably sure that my keys were someplace I had left them. Now, well, I am sitting here wondering if the keys were thrown into the garbage or flushed down the toilet. Intellectually, I know that my inability to keep track of items is probably not related to my success or failure as a mother. However, emotionally, it's just one more thing to worry about. That and we are locked out of the house right now and must wait until Fred comes home to get back in.