Perfect Blue

"I guess I`m a fool at least I`m not innocent." Lloyd Cole

I was looking at the map over at, as is my way these days, and I thought something like, "Indiana is kind of blue" and that made me start singing Lloyd Cole and the Commotions in my head.

Of course, this song has absolutely nothing to do with politics and everything to do with heartache.

When I was thirteen and I first listened to the record Easy Pieces, I felt like I was being given a glimpse into real life and grown up relationships. I knew nothing of love and breakups, but when I listened to Why I Love Country Music, I got a sense of what it felt like to still be in love after a relationship had passed its expiration date.

Now that I think of it, I should blame Lloyd Cole for my behavior in relationships as I seemed to fall for men who were engaged in complicated breakups with ex-girlfriends and I was always so understanding of their predicament, of their feelings, of the complex nature of emotions. I believed that if I behaved in a kind and respectful manner, just as soon as they resolved their issues with their pasts, the men (well, boys really) would realize they loved me, that my patience and goodness would be rewarded. Of course it never happened. I wonder, what might I have been like if I had not heard the song Rich on the radio and been inspired to buy the album? Maybe I would not have found men who were wrapped up emotionally in their own pasts with people they idealized to be appealing. Maybe I would have broken a few eggshells and been less interested in being good. Maybe I would have been a different person entirely.

Of course, if I were a completely different person with a totally different relationship history, maybe Fred and I wouldn't have gotten together. So maybe I should be thanking Lloyd Cole for the last fifteen years instead of blaming him for the awkward five that came before. Maybe.


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