Opening Day
Or, as I like to call it, the reason we have such achingly cold days in April.
I am dead serious when I tell you that if Major League Baseball ever decides to start the season in March, we will never have a cold day in April again. No, don't tell me that will be the result of global warming. I believe in my heart it will be because it is impossible for people to experience an opening day at Wrigley Field without freezing. You think those Gore Tex lined coats will keep the wind out, but honey, it is impossible for anyone to get drunk enough to actually feel warm on Opening Day.
So now, I give you a little joke.
We are in Hell. Satan is checking out the various denizens of Hell and notices that one guy doesn't seem particularly unhappy or hot. So he turns up the heat a bit, but this guy is seemingly unaffected by the scorching weather. So Satan turns up the heat some more. But, still, this guy is just going about doing his work (they work in Hell, who knew?) So Satan goes up to the guy and says, "Dude, look around you, you're in Hell, everyone else is incapacitated by the heat, so what gives?" And the guy politely explains that he is a farmer from the Midwest, so he is used to suffering through really hot summers, and Hell isn't really that much worse. So Satan goes back to hell's thermostat and turns it down. Way down. Everything turns blue and the souls which were formerly roasting are now blocks of ice. And Satan looks over at the Midwestern Farmer, expecting him to be frozen like everyone else. But instead, the guy is jumping up and down hooting and hollering, "THE CUBS WIN THE WORLD SERIES!"
I am dead serious when I tell you that if Major League Baseball ever decides to start the season in March, we will never have a cold day in April again. No, don't tell me that will be the result of global warming. I believe in my heart it will be because it is impossible for people to experience an opening day at Wrigley Field without freezing. You think those Gore Tex lined coats will keep the wind out, but honey, it is impossible for anyone to get drunk enough to actually feel warm on Opening Day.
So now, I give you a little joke.
We are in Hell. Satan is checking out the various denizens of Hell and notices that one guy doesn't seem particularly unhappy or hot. So he turns up the heat a bit, but this guy is seemingly unaffected by the scorching weather. So Satan turns up the heat some more. But, still, this guy is just going about doing his work (they work in Hell, who knew?) So Satan goes up to the guy and says, "Dude, look around you, you're in Hell, everyone else is incapacitated by the heat, so what gives?" And the guy politely explains that he is a farmer from the Midwest, so he is used to suffering through really hot summers, and Hell isn't really that much worse. So Satan goes back to hell's thermostat and turns it down. Way down. Everything turns blue and the souls which were formerly roasting are now blocks of ice. And Satan looks over at the Midwestern Farmer, expecting him to be frozen like everyone else. But instead, the guy is jumping up and down hooting and hollering, "THE CUBS WIN THE WORLD SERIES!"
Comments
Although it workes equally well with KC's MLB team, too. The Royals are notrious for how much they suck.
*sigh* Now I'm in a place without a pro team, although they are considering a pro football team here. Minor league baseball is better anyway, right?
And oh, yes, it was cold here. Saturday was almost the coldest day of the year. Crazy.