Wednesday, April 21, 2010


in retrospect the onset should have come as no surprise

my behavior as of late has been cranially questionable

sifting and shifting brain cells

ignoring sleep

growing drunk on nostalgia

searing pain behind my right eye could have been predicted

though it is nothing like the pain I used to feel in adolescence

when I treated eating as an option to be avoided

hoping to become the stick thin invisible I believed was beautiful,

would garner love

when I treated sleeping as a luxury to be indulged as a last resort

hoping to become the whip smart aesthete I believed was impressive,

would garner respect

when caffeine meant copious cups of English Breakfast tea, extra sugar

having not yet trained myself to drink coffee,

would eventually

when my brain was still under development, unconstructed, unformed

the pain back then

would send me to my dark bedroom for hours

could not be dispatched with three Advil, some water, and time

forced out any belief in a benevolent deity

should have been predictable, but I never saw it coming

so some things don’t change

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