Yesterday when I was talking about stalker songs, I mentioned Troy by Sinead O'Connor.

She was nineteen and this was her first video.

As you may imagine, I felt a huge kinship with her when I first saw this video, at sixteen, on 120 Minutes. It faded soon afterwards, as I was confronted with the hype surrounding the release of her first record and then the huge hit that was her second record. And then all the stuff that she has done and that people have said about her over the years.

But watching this video now, I can't understand why people were shocked, years later, to discover she was an angry, damaged person who might lash out in inappropriate ways. I feel like everything we need to know about Sinead O'Connor--beautiful, troubled, insane, brilliant--is encompassed herein. This is not a girl who is happy, stable, willing to play along and do as she's told. As this song and video suggest, this is a girl who is going to do some dangerous things out of anger, pain, and love. She'll likely hurt herself most when all is said and done, but even then, she will have no regrets and she will make no apologies.

There is something very hypnotic about this level of crazy. I'll admit, as a girl who always tried to be understanding and mature in the face of pain, I am envious of someone who can be this unrepentant, I wish I had it in me to let my demons loose.

Not to mention that she was doing the whole vengeful naked female covered in gold thing a good twenty years before Angelina Jolie.

P.S. This wasn't the post I planned to write today, but I haven't gotten around to uploading the pictures from my camera. Sorry.


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